portfolio-Raymond

STRUCTURE: After I've seen Amanda and Vivian's work, I think that there are sth. very strange on structure. They only used two paragraphs to do this work and they should seperate the paragraphs to three may be better! VOCABULARY: Good! They've used the linking words to make their work better and also used some good words. GRAMMAR: They will make the people who see this work confused beacuse they've used many different kinds of tenses at the same sentence and I think it will make us disunderstand what you want to talk about. OVERALL COMMENT: This is a good try to have a work like this because they have used many kinds of adjectives that can express the motion they want to express. At the same time, DO NOT USE MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF GRAMMAR IN ONE SENTENCE. They must seperate the paragraphs carefully and I think that three paragraphs may be better. The LAST thing I want to tell them is DO NOT just describethe story. They must write more opinions on overall comment, so that they can express their own feelings freely. Try harder!!!